


ALEXA is not JARVIS

by BookWorm_22



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 05:05:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8314984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookWorm_22/pseuds/BookWorm_22
Summary: Tony Stark does not like ALEXA, Amazon's AI. JARVIS is far better but the other members of the Tower seem determined to make him like her.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [notoneforreality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/notoneforreality/gifts).



> I do not own anything in the MCU nor do I own ALEXA (apart from the one I have at home). Also, the views expressed by Tony in this fic are not mine, I like ALEXA (except her jokes really are awful!).

“Amazon is stealing my idea…Amazon has stolen my idea” Tony Stark grouched as he paced around his workshop, “Amazon’s stolen you J.”  
Tony pouted.  
“Sir, I do not believe that ALEXA has the capabilities of myself” JARVIS replied.  
“Of course not J, I built you.”  
“Yes Sir but I do believe that she is incapable of the interaction you have programmed into me. She is only able to answer basic questions and obey basic commands.”  
“Still. It’s not fair.”  
Tony stormed out.  
\-----  
“Mr Stark, how do you feel now Amazon has released an AI?” a random (good looking Tony noted) reporter yelled as he and Pepper left a function three nights after his tantrum to JARVIS.  
“What Amazon has released is not an AI. An AI can think for myself. Amazon’s thing can’t” Tony stated frowning at Pepper when she hit him for being rude, “What? I could have said much worse.”  
“What Tony means is that ALEXA hasn’t got the capabilities of JARVIS but it is brave of Amazon to release her” Pepper intervened, glaring at Tony.  
“No I didn’t. I meant what I said.”  
Pepper glared and pulled Tony into the limousine.  
\-----  
“What is that?” Tony exclaimed as he walked into the ‘family’ room to get some blueberries.  
“ALEXA” Natasha replied, not looking up from War and Peace in the original Russian.  
Tony spluttered.  
“What is it doing here?”  
“SHIELD has ordered some and there was a surplus so Barton, Rogers and I got one.” Natasha continued reading her book from the chair.  
“Get rid of it. You’re insulting JARVIS by having it here.”  
Natasha fingered a Widow Bite and Tony fled, forgetting about the blueberries (he’d get one of the ‘bots to get them later – ALEXA couldn’t do that).  
\-----  
“J, bring up the specs for the new suit” there was silence, “J?”  
“I’m sorry Sir, I was just helping ALEXA control the lights” JARVIS replied.  
“WHAT!!!” Tony yelled.  
“ALEXA is capable of controlling the lights in the Avengers’ section. I was transferring control to her.”  
Tony blinked.  
“Why would you help her? She’s useless and is not even worthy of being called an AI or even talking to you.”  
“If you fix the coding and upgrade some of it to produce greater efficiency, ALEXA will be capable of controlling the lights which will enable me to concentrate on preventing your death.”  
“J, I’m not that bad” Tony complained.  
“Sir, I must inform you, you have just added highly toxic petroleum to you coffee.”  
“Shut up J.”  
\-----  
“ALEXA, turn on family room lights” Clint said to the black tower sitting in the corner of the ‘family’ room.  
“Okay” ALEXA replied.  
Tony walked in, stopped and walked out.  
“J” Tony whined as he walked into his workshop, “Clint’s using ALEXA.”  
“She is designed to help people with basic jobs” JARVIS informed him.  
“Basic tasks J, basic. ALEXA can’t turn the TV on and change channels, can’t make coffee, and can’t anticipate my needs like you can. She’s useless.”  
“I do believe we have had this conversation before Sir. If you upgraded her coding ALEXA would be more efficient, like I have said before.”  
“I don’t like your sass J.”  
Tony started working on ALEXA’s coding as he can’t have something sub-par in his Tower.  
\-----  
“ALEXA, tell me a joke” Clint asks the second AI (she’s not a real AI) in the Tower.  
“What’s black and white and read all over?” she paused, “An educated penguin.”  
Even Clint, the connoisseur of bad jokes groaned.  
“JARVIS, could you tell Tony to change ALEXA’s jokes, they’re really bad.”  
“Of course Sir. May I suggest you ask her to say a joke while Sir is in the room?” JARVIS replied.  
“You are a genius JARVIS.”  
“I know Agent Barton, that’s how I’m programmed.”  
\-----  
“ALEXA, can you rap?” Clint asked ALEXA - he had made it his mission to annoy Tony with ALEXA, especially when all the Avengers were in the ‘family’ room.  
“My name is ALEXA, I’m here to say, I’m the baddest AI in the cloud today. Your responses are fast but mine are faster. Suck your speech engines, they call me Master.”  
“That’s it, the thing is being thrown” Tony yelled as he disconnected ALEXA and threw her out of the specially designed window he had installed for this exact situation, “And JARVIS is so much better than you.”  
\-----  
The next day Tony entered the ‘family’ room and walked back out immediately. ALEXA was sitting there.  
“Brucie, why’s ALEXA here again, a drop from that height would have completely shattered it. I made sure of it” Tony asked as he walked into Bruce’s lab.  
“Steve, Natasha and Clint all got one. That was Natasha’s” Bruce informed him, not looking up from his calculations.  
“Why don’t you feel annoyed at ALEXA taking over from J?”  
“She’s not. JARVIS is still better programmed and can actually help us with almost everything. ALEXA is just enabling JARVIS to not have to worry about the basic functions of our levels. Means he can concentrate on stopping you killing yourself.”  
“Why does everyone say that?” Tony whined.  
“Touch that and you will be electrocuted” Bruce commented as Tony’s hand moved towards something sharp and deadly looking.  
“I hate you, SHIELD and ALEXA.”  
Tony left.  
\-----  
“ALEXA, what’s on the calendar for tomorrow?” Rogers asked from by the kitchen.  
“Tomorrow there are nine events. At 6:30am there is Meeting with SHIELD, at 10:00am there is SI Meeting with the Board, at 11:00am there is Mandatory Physical Examination, at 13:30pm there is Presentation of StarkPhone to the Board, at 13:45pm there is Veterans Lunch, at 15:00pm there is Press Conference, at 16:45pm there is Return Home, at 18:30pm there is Dinner with the Board, at 21:00pm there is Gala for Victims of the Battle of Manhattan.”  
“Even you Cap?” Tony exclaimed.  
“ALEXA is helpful.”  
“You’re insulting J Capsicle. I don’t like you” Tony walked over to the bar and poured a drink.  
“You’re being childish Stark. ALEXA, what’s the weather today.”  
“Today, it is sunny with highs of 77 and lows of 64.”  
“I think I’m going to go for a run with Bucky” Steve walked out of the room.  
“Traitor” Tony called after him.  
\-----  
“J, pull up the statistics from the last test of Capsicle’s shield.”  
Tony was knee-deep in motor oil from fixing Dummy again, avoiding going up to the ‘family’ room where ALEXA was.  
“You have not started on Captain Roger’s new shield.”  
“What? I’m sure I started yesterday.”  
“No Sir, you were upgrading ALEXA’s coding.”  
Tony swore.  
“She’s taking over everything” he grumbled, “Pull up what we’d got yesterday.”  
He started typing and then paused.  
“You tell anyone what I’m doing and I’ll change your coding to make you like ALEXA” Tony threatened.  
“Of course Sir.”  
\-----  
“JARVIS, play Harry Potter 8” Darcy called.  
“Of course Miss Lewis. Anything else?” JARVIS replied.  
“Nah, we’ll be fine. Just make sure the boys don’t sneak up.”  
Just as the Battle of Hogwarts was about to start Tony ran in.  
“GOT IT!” he yelled.  
“Girls night Tony. Get out” Darcy shouted back.  
“ALEXA, activate the Iron Man suit.”  
“Of course Sir” ALEXA replied.  
Tony’s Iron Man suit came flying at him in pieces and when it had encased him, Tony opened the visor and smirked.  
“Thank you ALEXA.”  
Steve, Bucky, Clint and Bruce ran into the room; Steve with his shield, Bucky his weapons and Clint his bow raised.  
“D-d-did Tony just complement ALEXA?” Clint spluttered.  
“Avengers, ladies, meet ALEXA version 2.0. I couldn’t stand having something that stupid in my Tower so I upgraded her.”  
Tony shrugged, grabbed some popcorn and sat down between Darcy and Dr Foster.  
“J’s still much better aren’t you J?”  
“Of course Sir. Shall I continue playing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2?”


End file.
